Going along with other people’s choices instead of making your own choices
I have realized that I have a problem with settling instead of respecting my own desires and needs. I do this all the time! I have told myself it’s because I’m good at compromising and caring about others first, but I have come to realize I take it too far until I don’t care for myself at all. I can’t count how many men I’ve dated just because they asked me out, and I thought I would be nice and accept. Even when I knew these men had qualities that I didn’t really care for, I have never been one to turn a person down because of some characteristics. (Assuming no drugs or crime or really obviously bad things.) For example, I used to date a man who was in his thirties and lived with his parents and had no goals. He worked as a bagger part-time in a grocery store. At that time, I thought I was being very open-minded and accepting, but…I ended up supporting the guy for years while I worked and he spent the days having fun in the sun and spending my money! Another time, I dated a man to whom I had no attraction, and with whom I had very little in common, because he kept pushing and saying how much he liked me. Well, how about whether or not I liked him? I didn’t take MY thoughts into consideration. I just went out with him thinking I’d give him a chance and maybe I’d find out I did like him. (By the way, I didn’t.) I have been open-minded to differences, bad habits, and more because I wanted to be caring and accepting. I have been willing to compromise in ways that others haven’t. How many of these people would be so open and boundary-less in return? None. I can’t decide if this makes me a nice person or a sucker. I’m leaning a bit toward sucker. Not that it is bad to be accepting, but I need to be aware of my own needs in situations, and all too often, I’m willing to throw my needs away. I have done so many things I didn’t really want to do just to be nice to my friends or even acquaintances. Many times, I have done things for people that they’d never think to do for me in return. Too many times, I have lived my life based on what others dragged me into rather than just making my own decision. There are things I want in my life for sure, and things I definitely do not want have in my life. Then there are most things that aren’t essential either way. I think it’s about time I got choosier and insisted on meeting my top desires instead of just following others towards what they want and letting them pick for me. I need to stop mixing up reasonable compromise with neglecting myself!
There are so many lessons learned that I need to get better at living:
It’s okay to say no
It’s okay to reasonably voice your desires
It’s okay to pursue your goals
It’s okay not to settle