If a person doesn’t see your value, don’t try to force them to. Respect yourself!
For going on three years, my narcissistic sociopath ex spouse has trashed me to anyone and everyone he can find–including all of my closest friends, my family, my toddler, all of my acquaintances, and possibly even some potential employers. He is relentless. But, he’s also charming and he’s in their faces pushing boundaries all the time while I’m at home raising kids and living my life. So, he’s the one most people believe. You would think that any sane person would wonder why he goes around giving them unsolicited monologues about how evil I am, but sadly, not many people stop to think about that!
After I kicked the abuser out of my life, he began smearing me within days, and he started with my local social acquaintances to be sure to cut me off from any possible support right at my home base. Then he went for men who had tried to date me, the people I talked to most, my closest friends. When he worked through all the “valuable” people, he just started aiming for anyone who was left. I have lost so many false friends this way.
Recently at a social event, I was talking with someone that I had been friendly with in the past, and my ex abuser happened to enter the room, (specifically to intimidate me, but that is a whole other story!) As soon as the narcopath walked in, the person I was chatting with stepped back and said maybe he shouldn’t be talking to me because my ex abuser had warned him not to. I was shocked that an adult would be so gullible. “Okay,” I said and started to walk away. The guy changed his mind and decided it would be okay to talk to me after all. Gee, lucky me. Since my abuser has so many people giving me the cold shoulder based on his lies and the web of gossip he created, I was sort of glad to have someone to talk to anyway. More than once, the guy made comments about how we shouldn’t look too friendly. At the time, I accepted that.
Then I got home and realized how incredibly rude and childish that person was–at over 50 years old! What an ass he was to treat me like I was lucky he’d talk to me because he was warned by someone who viciously abused me and many other women! I had never done anything to him, and I am wonderful person which is exactly why the abuser was trying to consume my life. Jerk! I now wish that I had just walked away the moment he acted like he was doing me a favor by allowing me to be in his presence. Who needs to be treated so badly? Especially based on lies and a sociopath’s smear campaign? Next time, I will spend my precious time with someone thoughtful and respectful!