On Facebook today, I saw a series of links from different pages discussing why a narcissist would pick us. I already know, but reinforcement and learning more is always good, so I followed the stories.
This page in particular has such a great quote:
And here’s why I think that is. By doing so, the narcissist wants someone who will make him look good….it’s as if they are saying, “See who I’m with. I’m a heck of a guy.”Then, since you are above him, he has to run you down privately, and perhaps to others when you don’t realize it, simply because he knows you’re the better person. It’s weird, but in his mind, you have to be demeaned, put down, and belittled SO HE FEELS AT YOUR LEVEL, or even better than you are. But, in reality, he knows the truth.
This is right on! I’ve been saying for a few years that the narcissist targeted me because I was a CATCH. Then, he tried to consume everything good about me and take it as his own. It’s been a rough few years through a smear campaign as he’s projected all of his abusive behavior onto me and pretended he was the one who was innocent. But the truth is, he saw a light in me and knew that I was valuable.
My ex abuser is a known womanizer. He rarely dates anyone for more than a night or a week. But he wanted to marry me within weeks. He pushed really hard. I hesitated and he pushed more. He was 56 and had never been married, but he was insistent that he marry me. I used to wonder, why me? But you know what? ME because he saw that I was a good person with good values. He saw that I was someone worthy and someone with a lot to offer. He knew I was a prize and he wanted to own me.
As soon as we were married, he treated me like garbage. Literally over night. He started telling me how worthless and awful I was. I was confused. How did I go from being the best woman he’d ever met to being worthless? Why did he marry me? It didn’t make sense.
When I met him, I had a good job and was on a good path. I had a beautiful happy child and a lot of friends. I was quiet ,but could warm up after I got to know people. I was pretty well-liked in our social circles. People thought I was smart and funny. Men thought I was attractive and tried to date me, but I was always too shy to date much. I had a good reputation. The narcissist wanted that for himself. People thought he was lucky when I started dating him.
And you know what? He was!
Several years later, he has abused, smeared and demeaned me until I’m a laughingstock among many of the people who used to think I was fun. He has taken most of my friends, (who clearly weren’t real friends,) and he lives my life that he took over. I have little left, and he is Mr. Popular. What in the world happened?! Well, I met a sociopath. That’s what happened. It’s awful.
But this is meant to be a happy blog, so let’s move on! I had that good reputation because it was real. It was me. It is who I am. I am considerate, smart, witty, thoughtful, pretty, and all kinds of good things. That sociopath wasn’t shopping for a loser. He didn’t break 56 years of bachelorhood to settle. He thought I was that special and that valuable. He is a vampire latching on to what I was. But I am not only the same person I always was, but I am an improved version. I am more astute, stronger, wiser, more enlightened. I have been through a hell that not everyone can experience or imagine, and it has taught me many new skills, as well as awakened me to the weaknesses that I can work on.
He’s still just a narcissist. Yawn.
If you were targeted by a narcissist, it was never because there was something wrong with you. It was because there was so much right about you. Take heart in that and know that, no matter what horrible things they have done to you, you are still you. You are still the magic person that the narcissist wanted to be…but can’t.
That is winning.