Finding real, unconditional love
Real Love: The Truth About Finding Unconditional Love & Fulfilling Relationships by Greg Baer, M.D.
This book is excellent and mind-opening! The ideas you can learn from the author are very helpful in a mutually loving relationship and I think this book that would be beneficial for so many people. It focuses on truly loving people as a gift rather than as an expectation, (with the theory that giving love without conditions will help you receive love as well.) I’m going to quote the author, (from page 4 of my copy,) because he says it better than I can:
When we give Real Love, we’re not disappointed, hurt, or angry, even when people are thoughtless or inconsiderate or give us nothing in return–including gratitude–because our concern is for their happiness, not our own. Real Love is unconditional.
I think this is a wonderful point! Think how much happier we would be if we loved joyfully rather than waiting to be acknowledged and ending up disappointed. I will add a disclaimer though: you have to be careful to love healthfully rather than co-dependently. If you are in an abusive or one-sided relationship, all the love in the world can’t fix the other person and you might still have to walk away for your own good. Assuming that most people are capable of love, though, this book is just filled with great ideas and quotes that will really get you thinking. I can’t say enough good things about it!
Here are the chapter titles:
1. The Missing Ingredient: What Relationships Really Need
2. Getting and Protecting: The Many Faces of Imitation Love
3. Being Seen and Getting Loved: The Tale of the Wart King and the Wise Man
4. Taking the Leap of Faith: Everyday Wise Men and How to Find Them
5. The Effect of Real Love: Like Money in the Bank
6. Sharing Your Fortune: The Power of Loving Others
7. Playing a Beautiful Duet: The Joys of Mutually Loving Relationships
8. Real Love in All Our Relationships: Spouses, Children, Friends and Co-workers
9. Dealing With Obstacles on the Path to Real Love: Disappointment, Anger and Getting and Protecting Behaviors
Baer believes that relationships fail due to a lack of unconditional love and tells us that when people feel loved, they lose their fears and anger and become more honest–which in turn strengthens the relationship. He explains that people who don’t feel loved are often so busy trying to get love that they can’t love others and they turn to “imitation” love in an attempt to get anything at all. He warns us to avoid expectations and trying to change others or force them to love us, and gives some ideas about how to deal with our partners’ behaviors that annoy us. He encourages us to have faith in the goodness of others and to realize that when they hurt us, they are usually acting on their own fears rather than anything personal. He promotes honesty and states that if you are always open and honest about yourself, you will find the people who are capable of loving you for who you are rather than those who love you for what they think you are. He also suggests we look around for mentors or “Wise Men and Women,” for examples of mature love. The book is just filled with more good points and all kinds of examples for improving one’s relationships. I can’t even begin to touch on everything, but I will say I think this is a book that could do all of us some good!
Lasting Lessons:
Real love from one person outweighs attacks and judgements from others
Be yourself so you meet the right people